Calm Down. There's Nothing Wrong With You.

Have you ever been so angry that you begin to cry? The kind of anger that just boils up within you leading to unwanted tears. What leads me to the angry tears is when I am misunderstood. I’m a joyous person. Pretty easy going. Honesty and authenticity mean a lot to me. I also HATE being misunderstood. I don’t think I need to change that about myself.

One day, my mom stayed home from work because she was sick. My dad had asked me to help by taking care of the loads of laundry that were running. A few hours had gone by and my mom had the strength to check on the clothes. She told me that she had restarted the dryer because the clothes weren’t fully dry. Meaning, my chore would not get done in time. That’s alright though… I got in trouble. I was never allowed to explain myself or “talk back” to my parents, so I got grounded for a week. Thankfully my mom explained what had happened and the sentence was lifted.

Years later, at my first job, we had a half-price sale on our product. I explained the sale to a customer but when she got to the register and saw the price, it became apparent that she misunderstood me. She gave my boss an extremely hard time. I explained myself this time though! My boss didn’t understand and threatened my commission time.

Years after that I was in an impromptu meeting with my bosses (new job). After 90 days of being on a probationary period I was asked a series of three questions. My job was on the line and I was determined to answer calmly because I was confident that I had done everything they asked of me correctly. I was accused of lying and got terminated and manipulated into writing a resignation letter.

The desire to be understood by people is normal considering my circumstances. Just like your personality is a result of your life’s circumstances, you don’t have to change anything about yourself. During these times, I observed a culture that celebrated differences while unknowingly abused the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness became a means to seek out imperfections and correct them. I was told that life wasn’t about “arriving” but about spending your days continuing to fix yourself. This is not healthy.

From a faith perspective, God created us. Of course, He doesn’t want you to suffer the consequences of other people’s sin. (IE: Domestic abuse, neglect, manipulation, etc.) That’s why He hates sin in the first place. However, because we live in a sinful world, we come out needing help sometimes. Other times, we are okay. That’s why I say that my “overreaction” to being misunderstood is actually pretty normal. Just like my other “overreactions’ are. If you have actual issues, by all means get help! But I am talking about the minor things that make us who we are. Instead of focusing on what needs work, try telling yourself one thing you truly appreciate about yourself. Whatever you want to change, ask yourself why? If you can’t find anything that actually hurts others, then try appreciating it instead of changing it. If you are a believer, ask God to help you discern these things. He will guide you and you can trust Him to do that. In the meantime, calm down. There’s nothing wrong with you!

Further reading, if you’re interested!

Heres a list of common things we want to change but don’t really need
to. It’s just who we are. Let other people shine in areas that you lack as
you shine everywhere else!

- Crying a lot or not crying enough.
- Saying sorry a lot or not enough.
- Not wanting to feel your feelings for a second or being overwhelmed by
them for a second.
- Going to the gym or staying in bed in moderation.
- Fear of asking a waiter for change.
- Fear of abandonment, rejection, or failure, as long as it doesn’t stop you from trying again!
- Being sad because of a break up or too happy.
- Wanting to look nice for someone other than yourself.
- Wanting people to like something you worked really hard on.
- Getting sad when people don’t like something you worked really hard on.
- Not caring about what people think.
- Being messy or neat.
- Being a disorganized or organized.
- Getting mad when things don’t go your way.
- Not being the best with your finances.
- Caring a lot about living debt free.
- Not wanting to pray out loud or needing to pray alone because you get
too loud.
- Being too loud in general or being very quiet.
- Being introverted or extroverted.
- Being the life of the party or hoping no one forces you to dance.
- Not wanting to be parents after getting married.
- Wanting to be a parent even if you are single!
- Not crying after losing a parent.
- Being a picky eater.
- Asking questions. A lot of questions.