Trembling With Courage

Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given is this: you don’t need to overcome your fears before tackling something, you only need to do it in spite of them.- Rachel Pillard

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life. One of the things that gives me the most fear and anxiety is travel. Specifically, if I have to take a long flight. I always get a little nervous on planes, but when I started having panic attacks mid-flight, that made my fears 100 times worse. I call it a form of claustrophobia - it freaks me out that I can’t get off the flight once it’s started. This combined with the usual fears that the plane will fall out of the sky. But what gets me is the fear of having a panic attack and having to sit there in panic for the rest of the flight. It’s literally fear of fear itself. It’s incredibly frustrating because I know it starts and ends with my brain.

I’ve had the privilege of taking multiple international trips, but when a good friend asked if I would be able to visit her in Australia, it still gave me pause. Of course, I was very excited to see her and to experience a new part of the world. It would just be the hurdle of getting there - roughly 20 hours in the air each way. I knew I couldn’t give up this opportunity. God had provided the funds through some generous people AND made a way for our group of four friends to be there at the same time.

Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given is this: you don’t need to overcome your fears before tackling something, you only need to do it in spite of them. I’ve learned to struggle through and not let my anxiety control me. I made the decision years ago to never let my fear call the shots in my life. If the only thing that’s preventing me from taking up an opportunity is fear, I won’t let that stop me. Have you ever heard Andy Mineo’s “You Can’t Stop Me”? Indeed my biggest enemy is me. So when I had the chance to visit a friend in Australia, I hesitated, but I knew I had to say yes. It’s taken practice, but it was one of those times I had enough clarity to know I’d need to trust God through this one.

God tells us not to fear countless times in the Bible. If I’m being honest, those verses often feel like platitudes. How much is a simple “do not be afraid” going to help when you’re facing an army much bigger than yours? I think this phrase is mentioned so many times in scripture because God knows we will be afraid. Fear has its place as part of our survival instinct to warn us of danger. God responds to our fear by comforting us, by letting us know that we can rely on Him and rest in His presence. God is good and true to His promises. God gave the Israelites victory over many people and lands when their forces were much much smaller. So when I come to the often-quoted scriptures in John 12 about worry, they mean more to me than simple platitudes. Jesus illustrates how He cares for everything regardless of our striving or worry: “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” (John 12:24-26) When Jesus adds in this cheeky bit of logic, it brings me clarity in a way I might speak to myself. He cuts to the brutal reality of our fear: we’re scared because we can’t control everything, yet our worry response accomplishes nothing. So why not rest in the one who has the universe in his hands and has infinite love for us?

I don’t think God is saying we should never fear. I think God understands our fear (even when it’s silly and illogical) and does give us peace. So while I haven’t conquered my anxiety, and did a lot of deep breathing exercises through much of my 14-hour flight, those times are always opportunities for God to show me that He is the source of my peace and my strength. Honestly I expect anxiety to continue to be a struggle for me at times. The stressors remind me of the many times that God was faithful. The difficult and painful parts of life are what draw us to Jesus. So far, all of the fears I have struggled through have been worth it. Those long flights weren’t fun, but I made lifelong memories in Australia and strengthened friendships. While God doesn’t always make the fear disappear, he can provide unexplainable peace in the struggle. I pray you find the journey worthwhile and say yes to God’s invitations to meet Him in the midst of the muck and mire to find what is beautiful and redeeming.

“To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every person to set them free. The cross is rough and it is deadly, but it is effective… After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the presence of the living God.”

–A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God